i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
