now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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