All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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