i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize