tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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