I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
