i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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