I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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