Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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