I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize