One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm passing your future prison.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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