as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
