So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
