Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize