how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize