I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize