I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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