You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
