no, he came in my armpit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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