You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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