he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
