Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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