she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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