Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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