I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
