the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
