i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
