She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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