So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
