I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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