best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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