The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
