I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
