is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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