I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
