ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
