then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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