also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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