I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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