For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
