Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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