recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize