Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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