I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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