dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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