we have officially lost it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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