Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
