I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
