She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
