im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
