i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
