butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
