I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
