omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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