I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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