lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
