Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
