I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
