sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
