he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize