Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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