I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
