Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
