so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
