i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
