Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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