the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
