I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
