He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
