this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
