I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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