pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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