a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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